Sid Bacon

No (lengthy) comments about predicting the future, but I did end yesterday’s blog with “I predict that I will have a nice evening, a good night’s sleep, and a strong day tomorrow.  Stay tuned …” AND I’m pretty much right on target.  I didn’t feel very strong after dinner last night, so Cathy and I went on a leisurely stroll around the block, which felt good and set the mood for the rest of the evening.  We watched some TV and enjoyed a piece of home-made strawberry/blueberry pie (thanks Cheryl … it still tastes great!).  I had a good night’s sleep and although I was somewhat nauseas to start the day, I had my first breakfast, went on a brisk 45-minute walk, lifted a few weights, had my second breakfast, and then settled into a nice 1.5-hour nap. I’ve been upright and feeling good ever since.  I was able to get some work done before and after lunch, and just now finished a mini-lab meeting at my house.  Kate and Chris from my lab came over and we had a great visit … not only did we get a lot of work done, but it was just nice to catch up with them and what all they are doing.  They also caught me up on what some of the undergraduate and graduate students in the lab are doing.  Everything is running smoothly in my absence … nothing has changed.  This is all good and as it should be.  Normal.   Thank you.  I look forward to many more of these meetings at my house to pour over data and discuss how our research is going.  It is nice they are willing to come to my house (Chris likens these meetings to “field trips”) … saves me time and especially energy. 
 

Despite the predictive prowess alluded to above, I am amazed at how truly poor I am at predicting how I will feel from day to day.  Just when I think I have it figured out, reality sets in.  I guess I should take my failure to predict as a reminder that I need to focus on one day at a time … I’m getting pretty good at that, but I sometimes slip into old habits of planning for the future, even if I am only trying to predict or plan out about 24-48 hours.  I will learn, and I will resolve even more strenuously to live one day at a time, enjoying the good and great days and learning from the ones that aren’t quite so good.  But really, of late, they have been so good that I have NO REASON to complain about minor setbacks.  I’ve made such incredible progress (e.g., I was in the hospital a month ago, and not doing well at all); I must understand that my upward trajectory simply can’t always be so steep.  I’m getting better, and it is in no small part due to your many acts of kindness and support.  What would I do without you?! (Rhetorical … I do not want to know!)
 

We have a “cold” front moving into Phoenix.  The wind is picking up as a write, gusting up to 45 mph.  The temperature will drop 20 degrees, from a high in the low 80s to low 60s.  It will return to low to mid 70s in a day or so. I’m certainly OK with the cooler temperatures (who can complain about sunny and 60s?!), though I could do without the wind and the mess created by the wind.  (I grew up in Kansas, so I have had my share of windy days and have more or less lived through the black and white portions of The Wizard of Oz.) I guess I’ll have some extra yard work in the morning … It is OK, because I love being outside, and I want to get the work done before chemo on Thursday.  Which reminds me:
 

Go Team Bacon!

My diagnosis has certainly turned the lives of my family upside down.  In some ways, it has perhaps affected Cathy and my relationship the most, at least in terms of our day-to-day interactions.  At times I worry about how my illness affects her and our relationship.  It certainly is the case that we do not do a lot of the things we used to do: we no longer run together, we rarely go out to dinner or to a movie, and we don’t spend any of our time planning our summer vacations or dream about what we plan to do during retirement.  But the more I reflect on this and the more she and I talk, the more I realize that all those things have been supplanted by more meaningful times together.  For example, I would not trade our hand-in-hand walks we take now with our desert trail runs that we used to take daily ... indeed, most of the time we couldn’t talk to one another very easily anyway, because we had to run single-file most of the way. I certainly enjoyed the company a great deal, and am glad I worked my way up to being able to run with her, but I enjoy her company on the walks even more!  Moreover, all of our time together now has such a deeper meaning, that I can’t imagine we are missing out on anything truly important.  This living in the moment, living day to day, is good.  I highly recommend it!  Of course, I still plan to take her to a dinner and movie …
 

Although Laura and Dan do not live at home, or perhaps because they don’t live at home, my cancer has in some ways impacted them the most.  It is emotionally hard for them to be away, even though Laura lives relatively close to us (in Phoenix that means within a 20- to 30-minute drive).  They call me every day, which I treasure.  They are doing well and moving on with their respective lives, but it is a struggle.  It is hard to find a balance between being here to help and doing all the things they need and want to do with their lives. (And those are all the things that Cathy and I want them to be doing.) They have been incredibly helpful through all of this … amazingly helpful. Right now I don’t need as much help as I have in the past (and may in the future), but I don’t want their visits to be relegated to only when I’m sick.  I want to laugh and enjoy their company when I’m feeling good.  So, fortunately, Laura is coming out tonight for dinner and probably to spend the night.  We’ll have fun!  And then she’ll go to Piper with us in the morning to watch the chemo drugs drip through my power port and into my body.  (Go Team Bacon!) It is obviously harder for Dan to be here on a regular basis, although he has been here quite frequently.  Indeed, for awhile I thought he had moved back home!  Despite the greater distance, Dan has a couple trips to Phoenix planned in the next several weeks, one with Liz and one without.  I am really looking forward to his trips home.  I expect to feel good while he is here, and expect a lot of fun and laughter.  Not everyone is so fortunate to have these kinds of moments with their grown children, and to see with such clarity the kinds of people their children have grown up to be. 
 

It may seem perverse to say I’m lucky, but I feel that way.  The relationships I have with my immediate family have only deepened as a consequence of my cancer.  The love and support that has always been there has blossomed and become razor-focused … I am blessed in ways that I cannot easily express.  

Yesterday was a super day.  I had a great walk in the morning; I ate well throughout the day; and I didn’t even need a nap!  I got lots of work done and enjoyed three hours of visiting with two of my dear friends/colleagues, Marjorie and Rich.  Marjorie was in town from Oregon; Rich from Massachusetts.  Rich and I even got in about a 1-mile hike in the desert after Marjorie had to leave – he wanted to see some of the beautiful desert that I’ve been writing about.  It was great to see them both.
 

Laura came out for dinner and to spend the night last night.  We had a fun evening.  After a reasonably good night’s sleep, we checked in to the Piper Center to begin the second cycle of chemo (one cycle is 3 weeks on, 1 off). I had gained just over two pounds from last week, so I am on pace to hit my weight-gain goal!  Laura, Cathy, and I were all happy about that.  While we waited for the results of the blood draw, my physician decided I should have some fluids.  I was not particularly dehydrated, but I was feeling nauseas and a little weak (plus, I overheard mention of the fluids being part of a clinical trial for hair loss … something better than Rogaine … so I was all for it … especially if it is very fast-acting).  The blood results were very encouraging, from the usual cell counts to a cancer antigen (CA19-9) marker, which was reduced relative to the last measure.  This suggests that the tumor is being effectively treated.  We’ll have more definitive information on 30 March, when I have a CT scan following the second full cycle of chemo.  This will let us know if and how the tumors are responding to the treatment.  For now, all is good!
 

I am feeling pretty tired today and thus will keep this short.  There is talk about getting take-out from a local In-N-Out Burger.  Although I’m not hungry, I’m sure I’ll enjoy the meal and benefit from the calories.  I expect to sleep really well tonight and plan to have a good day tomorrow.
 

Thanks for all your support.  We felt it at Piper today, and it helped bring great results!

Yesterday was full of good news from Piper; we were all elated.  And today brings good news, too, as both Dan and Laura will be here tonight (Laura has been staying with us since Wednesday night).  We are planning a hair-cutting party for Saturday … I anticipate looking younger without my hair, which isn’t saying much, because I’m down to a very thinning “crop” of gray hair that makes me look like I’m about 95 years old.  The hats are ready, and I am, too.  There is plenty of talk of Laura shaving her head in solidarity.  She always looks better than me, and this will be no different.  Cathy and Dan are doing their parts to be in solidarity with me … head shaving does not have to be one of them.
 

I did not feel especially well all day yesterday (despite all the good news).  I may have over done it the day before; it may have been because I am supposed to skip anti-nausea medication the day of chemo because I get it through my power port; it may have been because I didn’t have time for my morning walk; who knows?  I’ve almost given up on predicting (but not quite yet …).  In any event, it just wasn’t my day.  For the first time in a long time I couldn’t keep my food down ... although I rallied at the end of the day and managed to keep some mashed potatoes full of calorie supplements down … a good way to end yesterday and transition to today.  It was just a speed bump, and one that I’m nearly over and looking at in my rear-view mirror. This is another day!  And we are off to a better start!
 

Cathy and I went on a nice 30-min walk this morning; not quite as brisk as some of the recent walks, but faster than you would expect for an average 95-year old.  I’ve been eating reasonably well and had a nice nap.  I am getting ready for one visitor today, a friend and former postdoc, Eric.  He knows I may not last more than about 30 minutes, but he is willing to make the drive from the conference knowing that.  I greatly appreciate that.  This will have to be my one and only visit for today.  I may have more energy for visitors tomorrow; I hope so.
 

Our nephew, Andy, and his fiancé, Kate, have registered to participate in a triatholon in Boulder in June to help raise money for Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, the leading Pancreatic Cancer nonprofit organization in the United States.  I’m proud of them for doing this, and thought I would share their links with you …
 

Andy: https://www.flatironsevents.com/members/fundraising?id=1978

Kate: https://www.flatironsevents.com/members/fundraising?id=2312

Our humming birds are growing up!  They have left the nest.   I’m not sure if they will come back.  Certainly, the first one to leave has returned and since left again.  So we know they don’t necessarily just start flying and never return.  We aren’t sure if the second one is coming back, however … we are waiting patiently and watching around the yard for the mom and two youngsters.  It has been so much fun watching them.  We hope to see them again around the yard and maybe in the nest.
 

Even as I hit these small speed bumps, I am encouraged and lifted by your love and support … so much so that the bumps hardly seem like bumps at all.  Thank you!!

In an incredible act of solidarity, Laura offered up her hair as well.  Cathy, Dan, and I took it upon ourselves to do the honors. Laura had been growing dreadlocks for some time … they looked really good, but what can you say about the power of love. 

Dan got home last night about 9:15.  He made good time on his drive from San Diego.  I was able to spend a few minutes with him last night before going to bed.  I didn’t sleep too badly last night, but I was somewhat wakeful because I was so excited to have both Laura and Dan at home.  You just can’t beat it!

I had a good day today, but needed to nap more than I wanted, simply because I hadn’t slept all that well last night.  I just got up from my second (sort of third) nap and am ready to enjoy the evening with them. Consequently, I’ll keep this short and will write more tomorrow.

With much gratitude!