Sid Bacon

I hope you had a great weekend.  Cathy and I had a nice, relaxing one.  I felt nauseous off and on, but fortunately I felt well enough for enough of the time that it didn’t feel that I was sick for all that much of the weekend.  We were able to do things around the house and even go on an errand or two, to get out of the house.  On Friday night, we picked up some fast food hamburgers and french fries and brought them home to eat while we watched an episode of the TV show “Damages” … that fast food sure tasted good. (And the show was really good!) This outing was a far cry from our former, Friday night restaurant outings, but it is where we are right now, so we might as well try to enjoy it. (Cathy is such a good sport … she appears to enjoy everything in our limited repertoire.) We’ll get back to going to “real” restaurants sometime soon, once we get this nausea under control. 

We enjoyed morning walks on Saturday and Sunday.  Although the daytime temperatures are hanging around the low 100s (it is supposed to be 104 today), the mornings are still cool and make for very pleasant walks.  Cathy walked the entire route with me on Saturday. On Sunday, she walked partway and then went on a 90-minute run.  She enjoyed a dip in the pool after that!

Cathy and I each guessed my weight this morning at Piper, just prior to weigh-in. Cathy was right on with her guess (she guessed a higher weight, so I am glad she was the one who was correct).  Although I’ve lost about 10 pounds, I haven’t lost any additional weight in the past few weeks … so at least I’m holding steady.  It is particularly challenging to eat on the days immediately after my chemo treatment, but I’ll certainly try.  And I know that Cathy will try hard to entice me with food that I might be able to tolerate, and which will be good for me.

We are currently waiting on the results from my blood work.  Once those results are back, the decision will be made as to whether or not to treat.  I also will be evaluated by one of the medical professionals here, prior to the chemotherapy treatment.

Well, the blood work was fine, but they decided not to treat me today (that decision included input from Cathy and me). We are going to skip chemo this week.  As you know, I haven’t been feeling especially well this past week, so they’d like me to get stronger before starting another round of this rather toxic chemotherapy.  I will be taking steroids during the week, which should help make me feel better.  And I’ll focus on eating well (and a lot), so that I can perhaps even gain a few pounds before next Monday.  (I’ll keep Cathy busy making those special tofu pies … the one I am on now is a tofu/peanut butter/chocolate combination that rivals in taste the most decadent of desserts.)

Part of the blood work today was the tumor marker (CA 19-9).  The value was 44.  This is slightly above normal.  This is the first time the marker has been outside the normal range in over three months, and the first time it has increased since they have been measuring it.  The slightly higher value is no reason to panic, but it is one reason we would not want to wait too many weeks before re-starting chemotherapy.  So, assuming I do well this week, I suspect I’ll have chemotherapy next Monday.

The past two months have been full of setbacks and bumps in the recovery road. This is really putting me to the test.  I know that I must keep a positive attitude, and I will work hard to do so.  Cathy provides a great deal of support and strength. And, of course, the entire Team provides support in so many ways.  I am grateful for my family and friends.  Thank you all so much for all you are doing to ease my journey.

Cathy and I went on a nice walk this morning. And even though today’s forecast is for a high of 104 (quite a bit above the average), it was beautiful this morning, with a nice coolness to the air. For Cathy, this was one of the combined walk-run outings. For me, I walked a little farther than I have been lately. I enjoy the activity and believe it contributes to my focus on getting stronger this week.
 

For the most part, I have tried to remain focused on the moment, to enjoy every day for what it is. The importance of doing that has never left me, though the urgency has, at least to some extent. I now feel a renewed sense of urgency to live in the moment, after getting the CA19-9 results yesterday. Although I said – and believe – that there is no reason to panic (the number, after all, is only just above normal), it does remind me that the tumor can become active at any time, and that the chemo may be only so successful in combating this pernicious disease. So although I do not feel a sense of panic to live every moment to its fullest, I know I need to do so.  I know I need to live in the moment of each and every day, and to enjoy those moments to their utmost.  Having a renewed focus on that is a good thing.
 

Several people asked for Cathy’s recipe for tofu/peanut butter/chocolate pie. Here it is: 
 

1 lb tofu (drained)
 

1 cup peanut butter
 

1 chocolate boost (or 1 cup milk)
 

1 package of chocolate sugar-free pudding
 

Blend and pour into cookie crust
 

Refrigerate
 
 

If you try some variations of this and would like to share them, please do so via the guestbook.
 

Thanks for all your kind words of support yesterday.  They were greatly appreciated, as always.
 

Have a great day!

I made it through the day yesterday without being nauseous, and so far so good today as well.  I think the steroids are really helping.  It may seem odd to be so incredibly grateful for the lack of nausea, but I am. It makes such a difference in my entire day. Yesterday I was able to eat especially well, with three regular meals and healthy snacks in between.  I am also keeping plenty hydrated.  In other words, I am doing my best to get stronger and, indeed, to be as strong as possible for chemotherapy next Monday. As long as this trend continues, I definitely will not have any second thoughts about delaying treatment for a week.
 

I am certain they won’t keep me on this level of steroids indefinitely, but I sure hope they can come up with a strategy that is equally as effective. It would be great simply to be tired the week of chemo and then feel reasonably good the week off from chemo.  Of course, if I have to endure five months of not feeling well, including the weeks off from chemo, then so be it.  It is obviously not my first choice, but it is a sacrifice that seems worthwhile if it means we are killing the cancer cells.
 

Today’s exercise routine was the same as yesterday’s routine.  Cathy walked more than a mile with me and then took off on her run.  I finished my walk by going a little farther than I have been lately, but the same distance as yesterday. One side effect of the steroids is a swelling of the ankles, but the walking should more than counter that.  Plus, I get up and move around throughout the day, so I’m not just sitting in front of a computer all day without a break.  I have no swelling, so all my walking and moving around is helping.
 

We are taking advantage of this window of me feeling well.  We are going to spend some precious time with our children.  We plan to take Laura out to eat Thursday night somewhere near her house in downtown Phoenix, and then drive to San Diego Friday morning to spend the weekend with Dan and Liz.  We’ll drive back on Sunday, fully refreshed emotionally and physically, and ready to tackle the chemo. I am so grateful to have such loving and supporting children. They have been and continue to be there for me at each step of the way. I have spoken before about the importance of family. It is something I can’t state often enough. Indeed, I couldn’t fight this fight without the love and support from my entire family. They all mean so much to me.
 

And of course the entire Team means so much to me, as well. I appreciate the love and support from all of you. It is heartening to read your guestbook entries and to know that I have so much support from so many people. It means a lot to Cathy and me.  And as I’ve said before, one blessing of cancer is that you have the opportunity to experience the love and support from family and friends. But as I told Cathy on the walk today … I would gladly forgo the outpouring of love and support if it meant I didn’t have cancer, but given that I’m stuck with the cancer, I consider myself lucky and truly blessed to experience all the love and support. Thank you so much! I definitely know I am not fighting alone.

I am still without nausea, so I must believe that the steroids are doing their thing in helping me get stronger this week.  Although I do not have a big (or really much of an) appetite, each day I am eating three meals and healthy snacks in between.  I don’t know if I’m gaining any weight (I’m not measuring), but I’m certainly not losing any and I think the extra calories are making me stronger.  I should be ready for chemo on Monday.
 

I still have back pain, and have recently starting having some pain in my stomach as well.  For the most part, the pain is quite manageable (it has dropped from a 6-7 to a 3-4 on a 10-point scale).  I certainly do not feel the need for oxycodone to knock down the pain further, so I am staying off those pills for now. I am hopeful that the chemotherapy treatment will reduce the pain, as it would be nice to be as close to pain-free as possible.
 

Cathy and I went on a nice walk this morning. Although she was planning to run after walking part-way with me, Cathy ultimately decided to walk the entire route with me.  She was being especially nice; she knew I could benefit from her companionship this morning … I needed the emotional boost.  Some days are just harder than others.  I know it doesn’t help to let myself get down about my condition, but sometimes I just can’t help it. These rough patches of not feeling well and being in pain certainly do not help.  But I need to stay focused on the many positive things in my life and not let my mind wonder to negative thoughts.  Once I get back on chemo, we’ll start killing those nasty cancer cells and getting stronger as a consequence.  The first regimen was immensely successful; the second one will be, too.
 

Our wireless router at home quit working late yesterday afternoon.  Oh how quickly I realized how tethered I am to the internet.  I can’t get hardly any work done at home without being connected, including posting my daily blogs.  I dashed to Target last night and bought a new router.  Fortunately, we got the new router installed this morning with all of our devices working seamlessly with it (this includes cell phones, iPads, computers, and Netflix/DVD players).  It is great – and quite a relief – to be back online.
 

We are looking forward to going to dinner with Laura tonight, and then going to San Diego tomorrow to spend a short weekend with Dan and Liz. It is a fair bit of a drive for such a short time, but we must take advantage of me feeling at least this well. I really want to spend as much time with my children as possible.  They are very special and mean so much to me … it is so important that I spend time with them. And of course I want to spend as many minutes in the day as possible with Cathy. She is my best friend and the love of my life. She is so incredibly important to me ... words really cannot express how I feel about her and how important she is in my life (though I know I embarrass her publicly by trying …).
 

Because we will be getting on the road tomorrow on the early side, I will not have time to write a journal entry on Friday.  Today will be the last posting for the week.  Thus, I’ll take the time now to wish you a wonderful weekend.  I plan to write on Monday from Piper.
 

I will take the strength of the Team with me this weekend, and indeed I have it with me all the time. I am blessed and truly lucky to have so many people pulling for me … I thank you for all your thoughts, prayers, and love. It is all so important, and greatly appreciated!

I hope you all had a great weekend.  The weather in Phoenix was lovely and is forecast to be even better as we work our way through the week (but, we all know that extended forecasts can be a bit off), with highs dropping from the current mid-90s to lower to mid-80s by the middle of the week.  The lows are starting to dip into the 60s. Fall is in the air.

Unfortunately, we had to cancel our dinner plans Thursday night with Laura and our travel plans this weekend to San Diego.  I just wasn’t feeling well enough for those outings. It was a major disappointment, but of course my wonderful family took it all in stride and so understood the need to cancel. Dan plans to come home this coming weekend, so that takes the sting out of the lost trip to San Diego.  And Laura came out to our house late yesterday afternoon; that helped … it was great to see her! I am so lucky to have such a great family.

The intent of not having chemo last Monday was to give me a week of steroids and to give me the opportunity to gain some strength.  It was a mixed week in the latter regard.  I had some good days that really helped, although – as alluded to above – towards the end of the week I lost some steam.  I kept eating, despite the lack of appetite, but not enough to keep my weight at a steady state; I lost a couple pounds this past week.  Thank goodness for those pies that Cathy makes … who knows how much I might have lost without those? I guess I’ll have to eat more pie! Let him eat pie!

My pain level increased this past week, so I have gone back to taking oxycodone to help me through the day.  It drops the pain from about a 6-7 (on a 10-point scale) to a 3-4; when it is down to a 3-4, I can manage the day pretty well.  It is tough when it is higher than that.  It is unfortunate that my symptoms are getting worse … this is quite a bump in our road … but we are here at Piper to receive chemotherapy treatment and start killing this cancer again.  We’ve done it before and we’ll do it again! I’ll get back to where I was!  And, believe me, there is no time like today to get started!

We are just waiting to see what our medical team at Piper wants to do and when we start chemo.

Big change in plans:  I am not going to receive chemotherapy today.  I am going to be admitted to the nearby hospital in order to try to get the pain management under control.  My team here has a pain specialist they refer to, and this physician will oversee the next steps.  One of the things they want to do is determine precisely how much pain medication I need.  They can better do this when the medication is being delivered intravenously. Unfortunately, it isn’t going to tell us why I am having so much pain, but at least it will help me feel better.  The team here doesn’t think my discomfort is so much related to my disease, given that my tumor marker isn’t that high, my tumors aren’t growing (according to the last scan), etc.  I am one big mystery.  They are certainly working hard to figure me out, but admittedly without a great deal of success quite yet.  I trust they will get to the bottom of this all. It may just take a bit more time. I regret being so mysterious.

One option that we discussed is ultimately going back to the other chemo regimen, which was so successful for me.  They are certainly open to doing that.  I understand the rationale of switching chemotherapy agents, so the cancer doesn’t start to outsmart the medicine, but perhaps we can do this for awhile, just long enough to get me feeling better and knock the tumor back to being inactive.  Of course, if my symptoms are unrelated to the disease, this may not help.  Then again, if some of my discomfort is due to the new chemo regimen, then this would help.  We’ll see.  I feel comforted in knowing that they’ll do what they feel is best for me. I am very fortunate.

I am relying upon Team Bacon for strength; your love and support, your prayers, etc. are so important to me. Please know how much I appreciate you and what you are doing for me. Indeed, I’m reaching for strength wherever I can get it. Fortunately, I do not have to look far … Cathy is right there for me at each step of the way. Her emotional and physical support helps me through each day. I couldn’t do it without her.

I may or may not be able to post blogs while in the hospital.  I should be there for only a day or two, but who knows?  I’ll write as soon as I can.