I am having a fairly relaxing day, addressing a back-log of email and working on my editorship duties in between rests. The rests are necessary to keep the nausea at bay. So far so good ... I’m keeping everything down that I’ve eaten.
Cathy and I went on a short, hand-in-hand walk (stroll) this morning. It was ever so kind of her to forgo her run in lieu of the walk. I feel she is always by my side, sometimes literally. My pace isn’t anything near what it was a couple weeks ago, nor is my stamina or distance. This can largely be attributed to the chemo, which is more or less guaranteed to cause fatigue. Some of it, however, is also most likely due to the fact that I’m just not feeling anywhere near 100% yet. That will come, once we get to the origin of my back pain. Once we achieve that, I fully expect to be walking a brisk three miles every morning, except perhaps while I’m tethered to my portable pump. At that time, the walks will be a bit shorter and less brisk. But they will be there, as I think it is important for me to keep up the exercise routine.
At weigh-in yesterday, I discovered that I had lost 10 pounds in the last two weeks. I’ve battled this battle before … and won … and I’m prepared to do so again. Indeed, last time I lost 20 pounds and gained them all back. If I can stop the weight loss at 10 pounds, I should have a much easier time getting back to my pre-diagnosis weight. It is just amazing how easy it is to lose the weight and how hard it is for me to gain it back. I’m eating as much as I can (which isn’t much) and drinking lots of fluids today. I’ve been dehydrated lately, which is why they gave me fluids intravenously yesterday at Piper. Once I get my appetite back, I’ll be well on my way …
In yesterday’s local paper there was an article about “my” dream team of medical care providers at Piper. I’ve attached the link here, so all you have to do is click on this link to get to the story:http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2012/08/25/20120825phoenix-area-experts-join-cancer-telethon.html
As you will see in the story, there is a nationally televised fundraiser this Friday night, covered by all major networks. I plan to watch. I hope you find the story interesting, and even find time to watch at least part of the show. I’m sure I for one will find it educational.
I think Cathy and I were lulled into a very comfortable sense of normalcy. For quite some time, I felt really good. And I am so grateful for those days. But of course I want them back. And Cathy wants them back. We want our lives back. I think it must be much easier to be the person who is sick, and incredibly more difficult to be the caregiver. I know what it is like for me; I have almost no idea what it is like for her. She – somehow – takes it all in stride with incredible grace and love. At 24 years of age, in the throes of a joyous wedding, how could you really know what “… and in bad” really meant? Thirty-one years later and I think we are getting a close-up glimpse. It is a little scary. My job is to try to make the bad not so bad.
Thank you so much for all the guestbook posts and individual emails you sent yesterday. I love hearing from you. It means a great deal to me. Indeed, words simply cannot express how much you mean to me and to our fight against this awful disease. Despite our current setback, we are winning. I must keep focused on that!