Sid Bacon

Cathy and I are essentially packed and ready to go camping (thanks almost exclusively to Cathy).  Our plan is to camp at one of our favorite campgrounds just outside Flagstaff, Arizona.  We’ll bring our hiking boots and comfortable camping chairs.  We’ll have plenty of time to relax and enjoy the outdoors.  I’m looking forward to reading, although I will feel a little funny about using my iPad … electronics and camping are not a perfect fit in my mind, but I’ll roll with times.  I’m especially looking forward to getting out of the desert heat and into the cool mountain air.  The high temperatures in Flagstaff will be in the upper 70s; the lows will be in the low 40s.  Perfect!

Laura continues to recuperate well, although she remains in pain.  She will stay at our house this weekend while we are gone, and I suppose into the next week once we are back.  It is nice to have her with us, and of course she is welcome to stay as long as she wants.  She gets along well with one hand, but there are still some things that she needs help with.  And although she may be getting bored, she is being a good sport about it and not letting on.

Next week is a big week, with blood work and a CT scan on Wednesday. We’ll get the results of the scan and the cancer antigen test on Thursday, when we hope to start (platelets willing) the 5th cycle of chemotherapy treatment.  It has been nice to have these past two weeks off, but I am ready to get back in the ring and fight these tumors.  There is something comforting about actually doing something. 

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Enjoy the days and the people you are with.  I’ll write again on Monday.

Cathy and I had a great weekend camping in the mountains just outside Flagstaff, Arizona, adjacent to Sunset Crater Volcano National Monument.  The weather was great, though a bit windy (thank goodness for sturdy tent stakes!), and the company (at least for me) was even better.  After setting up camp on Friday afternoon, we went on a short hike that started in the immediate vicinity of the campground.  Despite my daily walks, I am not in particularly good shape, as I discovered ever so quickly.  The high altitude (~8,000 feet) didn’t help, and certainly contributed to my feeling of being out of shape.  Once the sun went down after dinner, we quickly changed from shorts and t-shirts to long pants, long-sleeved shirts, and jackets.  (I also added a beanie to my outfit … the bald head doesn’t provide much warmth.) The cool weather made for great cuddling at night.
 

After a big breakfast on Saturday, we drove about 7 miles on a Forest Service road to get to a trail head that took us on a nice “long” hike.  From the start, the route was largely up hill.  I was moving slowly, but steadily.  We hiked for an hour or so before turning around and hiking back to our car (downhill was much easier!).  In the past, we would have completed the entire trail without a problem, but it wasn’t meant to be on this trip.  I am so lucky to have a partner who was content to make the journey the destiny. We simply enjoyed being outside together in the beautiful weather; it didn’t matter how far we went.
 

After our hike, we went into Flagstaff for lunch.  We ate outside at a restaurant adjacent to the 10th annual Flagstaff music festival.  It was fun to eat lunch while listening to the music and watching everyone walking around and enjoying the beautiful day.  After lunch, we walked around downtown Flagstaff and enjoyed poking around some of their more unique stores.  After that, it was time to head back to camp and enjoy our books and some quiet time.
 

It had been about a year since we had camped at this site.  Last summer we took our mountain bikes with us.  The main purpose of that trip (aside from escaping the heat) was to train at a high altitude for our Colorado bike trip (http://www.backcountrybiker.com/tabeguache.html), which we took a bit later in the summer.  We did the trip with Cathy’s brother, Paul, her sister, Mary, and Mary’s husband Kevin.  It was a family adventure, a trip of a lifetime. I am so glad we did it last summer (there is one photo on my Caring Bridge site of me riding on that trip). 
 

Occasionally this weekend I would lament my physical limitations.  I found it sad to be at the place I’m at now ...  Fortunately, with help from my best friend, I was able to switch from that non-productive way of thinking to focusing on how fortunate I am – given my disease – to be camping and hiking.  The progress I have made in the past four months is impressive.  I have a long ways to go yet, but it was only two months ago that I was worried about whether I had the physical stamina to make it through Liz and Dan’s wedding.  Today, that would not be an issue.  I used to not be able to eat full meals, only multiple small meals.  I now have a healthy appetite and can eat large meals (and multiple snacks in between!).  The list goes on.  I have stage IV pancreatic cancer.  I have no choice but to live my life forward, just like everyone else.  Kierkegaard said that “Life must be lived forward but understood backward.”  I may never fully understand life, but I do understand that we must live our life forward.  I can’t focus on what might have been,what could have been, or what if; I can only focus on what is and from there,what can be. I have many blessings and many things to be thankful for.  I need to focus on those and keep fighting for better health.  With your help, I can get there.

Ah … at last we have reached the NBA finals, which begin tonight with the Miami Heat facing the Oklahoma City Thunder.  We are a house divided, as Laura is for Miami and I am for Oklahoma City. Fortunately, however it ends will be okay with both of us … kind of a win-win situation.  Cathy could break the tie, although she isn’t a big fan, so she might be indifferent (possibly a safe stance).  Being a great mom and wife, she loves the fact that Laura and I enjoy watching the games together, even if she doesn’t care to watch the games herself.  She’ll probably tackle a project or two with more focus and energy than she might otherwise.  All in all, we will be enjoying our evening tonight.  I am really looking forward to it.
 

I am excited to be going to lunch today with two friends that I worked closely with when I was a dean.  I have not seen them for three or four months, so it will be great to catch up with them.  The last time they saw me I probably weighed about 20 pounds less, had hair, and was quite weak.  They kindly offered to pick-up the lunch and bring it to my house, not realizing that I likely would feel well enough to go to the restaurant with them.  I feel quite good today, and very much look forward to going out.  I enjoy working at home, and feel blessed that I am able to do that, but it is nice to get out and socialize a bit. 
 

This is a big week for us, as I’ve mentioned before.  On Thursday afternoon we will get the results of the cancer antigen test and the CT scan (the blood work and scan being done tomorrow).  We also will find out if I can start my fifth cycle of chemo on Thursday (it will require having a platelet count of about 100,000 – last time we got away with 95,000, although 100,000 is the target). The cancer antigen test and CT scan will give us objective data regarding the size of the tumors.  This will be my second CT scan since starting chemo, and my fourth antigen test.  Cathy asked me the other day if I was nervous about these tests.  I replied that I wasn’t, in large part because I am feeling well and things have been going well so far.  If I were to rate my anxiety on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being most anxious, I’d say I’m about a 3.  (I am quite used to these 10-point scales, as they are used regularly to rate my pain and fatigue.)  So, I’m a little nervous, but not much. Two months ago, I was at 10.  I was really nervous.  It is, after all, my life we are talking about here …
 

As I said, I’m not particularly nervous now because I am feeling so good.  I am fairly strong with a good appetite and a relatively high energy level. Although, as I admitted in yesterday’s blog, I am not in particularly good shape, at least compared to where I was when we started this whole ordeal.  (I may, however, be in better shape than some of my fellow Americans …) Obviously I am looking forward to getting the objective data regarding my tumors, but I have some degree of confidence that they are either shrinking still or staying the same size.  It won’t be long until we know for sure.  If I am told the tumors are smaller than they were last time, then I suspect I will feel even better and stronger than I do now.  It is natural that my perceptions are influenced by how I am doing physically.  Indeed, it is easy to feel “up” when things are going well.  Of course, I hope that is all I know during this recovery.  But that is probably not realistic.  I must be prepared for setbacks along the way.  The real test will be how I deal with those.  That is when I’ll need you the most.

I have been feeling pretty strong lately.  My walks in the morning are quite brisk, and I have finally gotten back to the point where I have little or no back pain (this is the second day in a row of not having much if any pain … I’m calling that a trend … I sure hope it continues).  I have had little or no nausea recently, which is very nice.  We replaced my anti-nausea patch this morning; the one we took off had been on for nine days, even though they are good for only seven.  We waited until today because these patches seem to work best when placed on the body just one day before chemotherapy (which we hope I’ll get tomorrow).  The fact that I wasn’t nauseous the past couple days makes me think that it is the chemotherapy drugs alone that make me nauseous, and not the disease.  I say this because it has now been just over two weeks since receiving chemo, which is perhaps long enough to not have the nausea that accompanies the treatment.
 

We’ll be going to Piper this afternoon for my blood test and CT scan.  I appreciate all the good thoughts, vibes, and prayers.  I won’t get the results until tomorrow afternoon.  I will post my blog sometime thereafter.
 

I have added another wedding photo.  This one was taken at the end of the evening.  I could hardly contain my happiness.  I was so happy for Dan and Liz, so pleased that the wedding was so beautiful, and so glad that I was there to enjoy it.  The evening couldn’t have been better!
 

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.  Thank you for thinking of me.  And thank you for being part of Team Bacon and this fight against cancer.

This is the day I have been waiting for ... I am starting this entry from home, before going to Piper.  I will finish it there and get it posted after we (Cathy, Laura, and I) have met with my physician.  I am so lucky to have both of them going with me (they both went with me yesterday as well).  The love and support of my family is overwhelming.  I do not know what I would do without it.

I got an email late yesterday afternoon to inform me that my platelet count was sufficiently high to have chemotherapy today (they didn’t say what the count was, just that it was more than high enough).  I was thrilled.  It is so important for me to be fighting this disease, and right now the chemotherapy drugs are our biggest weapons in this fight.  This is not to downplay the importance of a positive attitude and the tremendous support from family and friends – it is all incredibly important and I am grateful for all of it.  We simply need to continue our multi-pronged approach. 

I am now at Piper.  My platelet count was 124,000.  That is fantastic.  It gives me a buffer and a lot of hope that I’ll have counts greater than 50,000 on the next two Thursdays.  More chemo.  That is good.

OK.  The results were very, very good! 

My CA19-9 (the tumor marker) dropped from 37 to 24.9.  Anything below 30 is considered normal.  I think they said I’m just the second one on the study to drop to normal.  It is exactly what they want.

In terms of the scan: They could not measure the size of the two tumors on the liver because they were not particularly well defined, although if anything the radiologist thought the tumors were smaller than they were two months ago.  I was told that the lack of definition in the tumors is consistent with the possibility that they are starting to die.  I’d be fine with that!  The pancreatic mass may have atrophied further as well.

There is no evidence that the cancer has spread to anywhere else in my body.

The people at Piper were thrilled.  Everyone in the infusion area was smiling and clapping for me when I arrived there for my chemo.  There were lots of “congratulations!” and “we are happy for you”.  That kind of response tells you something about the compassion they have for their patients.  I am so lucky to be receiving my medical care at Piper.

This has been a great day.  I feel very fortunate indeed.  Thanks for all your support; it means a lot to me.